So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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