You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
