when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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