The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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