Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
