I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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