he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize