the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
