Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
