The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize