I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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