jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
