Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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