I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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