You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He better not be in your backpack
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
