I cannot find my penis.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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