Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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