Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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