everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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