So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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