I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
