And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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