bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize