member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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