just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
