wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
