so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
