Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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