Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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