what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
