I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
