they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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