seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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