I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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