I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
