those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
