You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
