Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
