I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
