i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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