He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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