So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
