Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize