Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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