i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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