I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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