god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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