where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All the doctor said was why
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
