people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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