And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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