So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
