A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize