i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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