he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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