Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
