For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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