the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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