3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
