we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
