I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
