I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think i got beer on your cat.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
