I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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