You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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