he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
