Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
