My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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