I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
